So September was going to be MY month to truly challenge myself, make myself take the time and ask myself the tough questions. I thought knowing what I wanted and who I wanted to be would be easy, but in reality it was emotionally tolling. One night I couldn't sleep, so I got up and started making lists of what I want in my personal life, career, and relationships. I stared at the page forever, slowly writing a few things, I went to bed with a start but not a finish. As soon as I laid my head down on the pillow, I started panicking and quietly crying. I was afraid that what I wrote down didn't reflect how I feel now, I wrote that I want to be filled with joy, but did that mean I wasn't currently filled with joy, did it mean that maybe I was depressed again, ALL these questions hitting me right square in the heart.
I didn't let the fear take over though, and pushed forward. The next day on the train, I finished my list and was filled with pride that I over took the demons. Slowing I will work on the things that I want out of life and become the person I see in the future. I don't want to change everything all at once, because lets be honest if you change everything at once nothing sticks. And I want this to stick, so I'm taking it slow making sure that I make changes that will last and help make me better in the future.
WHAT I WANT....PERSONAL:
- To be filled with joy.
- Have undeniable self-confidence
- Not be afraid of others thoughts and perceptions
- To live comfortably: not extravagantly but not pinching pennies
- Dress they way I WANT to and the way I admire others (think 1950s)!
- Feel comfortable with my body. To feel and believe I am sexy.
- Get healthy - important for future and family.
- Be admired by others
- To be happy and have this happiness shine through me and be an example
- To be spiritual
At the end of September and for October I will be working on a few things that are in my "Personal" list. I will share with you the journey I have as each month working on something from each of my lists.