July 29, 2011

bowl of mixed emotions

Being back in MN has been a BIG bowl of mixed emotions. It's great seeing friends and family, hanging out, laughing, BUT I'm stressed with all the things we have to get down before Australia (seriously..nothing has gone right) and on top of that I have found out that I may have to say my final goodbyes to my grandma. I wasn't really prepared for that, I knew she wasn't doing well, but I wasn't ready for this.

If you have read my blog, you may know how much my grandma means to me. She is my everything, she is one of the few people that get me for exactly who I am. I love that when I tell her about our crazy adventures or silly stories she just says, " Well, that's Shoave." She never tells me I'm crazy or that I need to think about what I'm doing and get my priorities straight.  This is one of the many things I love about her! 

I grew up living only 5 miles from my grandparents, we were on the farm and they were in "town". * I actually grew up on the same farm my grandpa, and mom grew up on * Since my grandma lived in town, I stayed with them probably 1/4 of the year. During the school year I walked to school from their place, my grandma helped me practice for my spelling tests, and rollerbladed around in circles in the basement. Being at my grandmas also ment; swimming my days away, reading in bed together, eating popcorn and apples on Sunday nights, watching cable tv, and walking to Dairy Queen for snacks. 

This picture was taken just over a year ago, this was the last time I saw her. She wasn't her healthiest (she has been sick since my mom passed away 5 years ago) but she was doing good. I took her to her appointments and we went on car rides through the country taking about the past. This year she is at her worst. She is always tired, she sleeps most the day, doesn't have energy to get out of bed or eat. My sister has prepared me for this a bit, but I don't know if you can ever be to prepared. I keep finding more times that we can stop by and see her, I keep putting off having to face saying the final goodbye. I know that I will have my fingers (and toes) crossed while in Australia, that this in fact won't be my last goodbye. 

So keep your fingers and toes crossed with me and help me gain strength to say and do what I need to do. 

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